Has this ever happened to You?
Here are some funny first date stories that have been sent to me over the past few years. Please feel free to include yours in the comments section at the bottom.
Can you beat these?
You meet a great girl, she spends the night, and the next morning she wakes up and goes to the loo.
Everything fine up until there.
Here comes the deal breaker: she exits the bathroom and upon getting back into bed I notice that she hasn’t quite wiped adequately.
In fact, the wiping was so inadequate that, how can I put this gently, there was still a chocolate blob on her one butt cheek. And before I could say anything (whatever it was I was going to say) my bed sheets did the rest of the job that the toilet paper should have done in the 1st place.
Fantastic girl but we just couldn’t get past ‘Poopgate’.
“I just met this girl in this pub where the lighting was set very dim. We seemed to really have a connection and a half hour later we were already sucking face like bulldogs eating oat porridge.
I really needed to pee so I excused myself. In the bathroom, to my horror, I noticed that I had blood all above my lip and to the sides of nose. It turns out she had nose bleed and we had just spent the last 5 minutes doing a fantastic job of spreading her nostril blood all over each other’s faces.”
“So I’m on my first date with this attractive girl and she starts telling me about how she has been dating women for the past 5 years, but now she wants to get back into dating men again. Fine I say, and that little perverted part of me, the one that all men have, is actually very excited about the future possibilities down the line. I must have spent too much time playing off the various scenarios in my head because before I could react one of her ex-girlfriends had walked into the place and they already had their tongues down each other’s throats.
They left 5 minutes later. Unfortunately without me.”
We were at the movies watching “40 Year Old Virgin”, I had a bag of popcorn on my lap and she had a cup of orange crush. It was at that romantic? part of the movie where Steve Carell gets his first date and I stretch back, a little too quickly, to put my arm over her shoulder. I elbow her in the nose, she screams “f5ck!”, spills her crush all over herself and I drop the popcorn on the floor.
I drew blood.
Funny first date story with a great comeback.
The biggest douche bag ever?
My “friends” set me up on this blind date with a workmate of theirs. I was very very hesitant but they eventually persuaded me to go after telling me repeatedly how great this guy was. The evening started off OK when he arrived with his Porsche to pick me up. However before I could sit down he placed a towel on the seat and said it’s because “girls can get sweaty down there.”
We get to the restaurant and after about 5 minutes of light conversation he pulls a condom out of his pocket places it in my hand and says, “I hope this is getting used tonight!”
I excuse myself, and proceed to phone my friends from the bathroom. I ask them “WTF!%$!”, and I hear a chorus of laughs in the background. It turns out that their “friend” is actually the biggest douche bag in the office and that was their idea of a practical joke!
Not to be outdone I went back to the date and spent the next hour telling Senor Douche Bag about how my friend had been harboring secret and rather dirty fantasies about him for the past year. And then I made an excuse and took a taxi home.
Don’t f&ck with me!
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